One of the biggest challenges to my prayer life is finding silence. I can't tell you how many times this message, "Be still. Be quiet" has come through to me. I don't hear it internally or anything like that, but I feel like God is telling me to be quiet by reminding me through other people to do so. It's like a constant refrain whenever I think about prayer, the command for silence and the elusive search for it.
So I try to find it, but it eludes me. I'm not even sure how to find it, or what it is exactly, to be truthful. There is an interior silence that definitely eludes me, that's for sure. The little voice in my head is constantly blabbing. I hold an internal monologue 24/7. I think sometimes, "Maybe this is what He means. He wants me to turn off that little voice so He can get a word in."
So, in my effort to find the Sacred Silence, I spent some time before the Blessed Sacrament this Saturday, praying for peace around the world, as Pope Francis enjoined, and desiring to spend some time in silent adoration. Just to sit in His presence and know that He is God. Not asking for anything for a time, but just loving Him and letting the joy of loving Him radiate. That was the intention.
So what happened? Let's just say, I missed the boat again. I never really got a chance to settle in for that silent adoration. First of all, when I entered the chapel, there were already two people there praying. That was fine. They were praying silently and we didn't disturb one another. So far, so good.
I told God my intentions of joining my prayers with the other Christians praying around the world for peace and I then I began the rosary. I got to the 3rd mystery, and then distraction occurred, in the form of a trio of people who entered to pray aloud the Divine Mercy chaplet.
Now, the Divine Mercy is one of my favorite devotions, right up there with the rosary. However. In this instance, and to my chagrin, they made so much noise, pushing chairs around, shuffling back and forth and such to arrange things "just so", intruding on our silent prayer to shove a prayer card in our hand, that it totally disrupted the flow of my prayer. All I could think was, "please stop." And then they started.
They prayed loudly and the woman who was leading the prayer had a very unfortunate cadence which was DISTRACTING in itself. I joined them in the chaplet, knowing I couldn't finish the rosary with that going on, anyway. When it was done, I finished the rosary and said some brief concluding prayers and high-tailed it out of there. Don't worry, I went straight over to the church for confession....
Don't get me wrong. I wasn't annoyed with the Divine Mercy trio. It just served to illustrate for me how difficult this task of finding silence is and will probably continue to be for me.
If anyone reading this has a method for silencing themselves and the world in order to center on the Creator, I would so love to hear it...please share.